Ben and I were talking about our children and their need for discipline and love in their lives.  In talking we realized that too often we make the offense be about something other than the heart issue. It becomes something that offends us or our “rules.”  The kids can pretty quickly pick up on what the rules are and follow those in order to hinder further discipline.

What we realized in the way we had begun to approach these issues was that we were creating children who were good at figuring out the rules and following them to make their lives easier, but we did not have children who were facing their sin and dealing with it in the appropriate way.

We do the very same thing in our relationship with God. We’ve figured out what makes our lives look together and healthy.  We come up with rules and solutions so that we can make sure we check off the right boxes so that we are deemed “good” or even “Christian” people. The thing is that you can only go so far doing that before you simply snap. You can’t handle the weight of every area of your life being on you, so eventually you just snap.

The only thing that prevents that from happening is making Jesus our source in every aspect of our lives. Too often he is an afterthought when we can’t figure out how to do it ourselves. Instead, He should be our source. He should be who we look to for every aspect of our lives. He should be the center of all that we do. When He is, we are not bearing the load, He is!

This is such a simple foundation of Christian living, but it is one that too often gets thrown to the side. We do all the things that look and seem good, but we don’t always ask God what the best thing is. What is the thing that he is requiring of us? When we do that and only that we won’t burn out, even if it is more than we are doing now! I know that sounds crazy, but it is true that when we walk in obedience to what God has for us HE will provide what we need to do that.

So, for me when I get bogged down in the everyday stuff, I need to remember that Jesus needs to be my source. When I start out the day with Him and praying for my children, they don’t stress me out so much and I am able to walk in a place of peace even when it looks like things are falling all around me. So, I guess the question is if God isn’t your source then who or what is?

Heather Cotten

Heather Cotten is a wife and mom of three, and most importantly a child of God. She loves more than anything to see people build relationships and break down barriers that prevent those relationships from happening. The family moved to to Kernersville, NC 3 years ago in order to begin the adventure of Ben pastoring Kernersville Community Church.

I the Lord do not change…(Malachi 3:6).

I took a human growth and development class in college where the instructor told us how important consistency is when raising children.  Children are comforted when they know what to exprect and can, thus, excell.  I don’t have children, but I was a child and I can attest to consistency through a particularly vivid memory from my childhood.

I was the youngest in my family, and as such, the most likely to spill anything. Add incredible curiosity and the limited attention span of a five year old to that equation and the result was generally soggy.

This day must have been a stressful one for Mom because, as she placed our soup, grilled cheese sandwiches, and cups on the lunch table, she made a pronouncement to my sister and me. When she poured the milk into our cups, she promised to spank the first one to spill any milk. I remember my stomach clenched up and food no longer held an appeal. I sat as still as I could and waited for her to finish pouring. As I watched, my mouth formed a large “O.” My Mother had gotten distracted, missed the mouth of my cup, and poured milk all over the table.

I don’t remember for sure, but I believe there was an “ahhhh-ah-ahhhh” you’re-in-trouble sound that automatically went with the facial expression.

Without cleaning up the mess and without a pause, my mother reached around and spanked herself to the delight of my sister and me. Part of the pleasure was in the slap-stick humor of watching an adult spank themselves, but the major delight to me was in seeing the impartiality of the act. It didn’t matter that she was the adult, that she held the role of mother, her words were true and trustworthy, regardless of who she was. That act made me feel connected to my mother because she demonstrated that she understood my plight.

God recently reminded me of this event in my past. Because there was a consistency in my mothers words and her actions that day, I was comforted.  God reminds us of His consistency throughout His word and through His presence in our lives.  God created us for relationship with Him.  When we sinned and made fellowship with His sinless purity difficult, God made a way through the sustitutionary sacrifice of His perfect son.  By accepting that gift,  God says that He continues that relationship by residing within us in the person of the Holy Spirit, also known as, interestingly enough, the Comforter.  That is consistency and comfort to me, to know that God wanted a relationship with me so much that He would make a way.  You can trust that consistency…build on it.

Karen Sleeth

Karen Sleeth has lived in North Carolina for 26 years and in her house for nine years. She shares her yard with a herd of about fourteen deer, a raccoon, a family of possum, a hawk and her young, a wise old owl, many birds, snakes, and a bunny she has seen only once. “I assume it took the warning I gave ‘Run for your life!’” This is Karen’s first year attempting to convince the deer that the yard is not their salad bar. Karen is a member of Christian Assembly Church in Durham.

On the way to church, I was practicing the presence of God, when He revealed that all week I had been subconsciously dreading Sunday and the reason I had difficulty sleeping last night was because of my anxiety. As I was pulling into the parking lot, He revealed why. My church asks that each member agree, as a part of membership, to serve in the nursery once a year and this was my day.

It isn’t that I don’t like children. To the contrary, I love them and in my past that love showed in ways that astonished friends to the point that they jokingly called me “the baby whisperer,” for my ability to calm crying babies when even their mother’s could not.

My first babysitting job was when I was in first grade. I watched a neighbor’s baby for her while she took a shower.  And I babysat throughout high school, college, and into my marriage. I looked forward to the time I could have children of my own.

When the time came when we agreed to have children, none came. We went through the emotional brutality of fertility treatments for several years, during which time every couple in our childless Sunday School class became parents, except us. I distanced myself from children and isolated myself from young families because being around them made me feel like such a failure as a woman−exactly what God did NOT want me to do.

But I, like most people believed I was in control…all I had to do was decide when I wanted my babies and they would be there. Yes, we are told that children are a blessing from the Lord, but what I heard was, it is a blessing THAT you have children, not it is a blessing WHEN God gives you children.

A few years later, all was gone from me: marriage, dreams of a future, promise of children, my home, and my job. It was just God, and me eye-to-eye, with no static in between. It was then that I finally heard His voice. And His voice said the thing I had longed to hear my entire life:

I love you. Your value does not come from what you drive, where you live, what you wear, how many men find you attractive, or your job. Your value rests in the fact that I love YOU.

This morning I entered worship, with this discomfort about working in the nursery. God met me there, washed over me with a fresh infilling of his Spirit and a fullness of his deep, deep love as the dance team rose, and danced to the hymn, “Oh the Deep Deep Love of Jesus.”

Today I understood one more piece of the puzzle of my life. My value is not in whether or not I have children. My value is in the deep love my Savior has for me. This is not the first time I have served in the nursery. However, this IS the first time I’ve enjoyed it.

Karen Sleeth

Karen Sleeth has lived in North Carolina for 26 years and in her house for nine years. She shares her yard with a herd of about fourteen deer, a raccoon, a family of possum, a hawk and her young, a wise old owl, many birds, snakes, and a bunny she has seen only once. “I assume it took the warning I gave ‘Run for your life!’” This is Karen’s first year attempting to convince the deer that the yard is not their salad bar. Karen is a member of Christian Assembly Church in Durham.

We have a nice fenced in back yard that the dog enjoyed very much. Frodo was thrilled with the yard. He had great fun chasing/terrifying the squirrels, lazing in the sun, playing with the children when they were outside. In the evenings, we would let him in the house in the mud room. Life was good.

When Frodo was around 3 years old, all of a sudden, the yard Frodo loved so much didn’t seem that great. He started jumping the fence and running around the neighborhood. We scolded him but that didn’t seem to matter. We started putting him on a chain when he’d run off but that too didn’t deter him. We talked to everyone and tried just about everything that was recommended to keep the dog in the fence. We even got another dog, Baron, for companionship. Nothing worked. The momentary freedom Frodo had when he jumped the fence was worth it to him to pay the price of punishment. Eventually, we had to get a very strong, very long chain and choker collar in which the dog has to stay on when he is outside. It’s sad, the dog has a decent sized yard that he could enjoy but instead he’s on a leash.

One day I was talking to one of my children who, at the time, was going through some rebellion. The Lord gave me the following lesson from the dog which I shared with my child and now you. Frodo has boundaries that have been given to him by us, his owners. If he would stay within those boundaries, he is protected, safe and has the freedom to enjoy all of the space he has. Unfortunately, Frodo doesn’t think these boundaries are good enough. He wants to roam “free”. What he doesn’t see is that instead of momentary freedom, if he lived in obedience, that obedience would afford him greater freedom.

God gives us all boundaries to live within. When we live within them, we are free to run and truly live. When we choose to go outside God’s will, His boundaries for our lives, we actually put ourselves in chains. Those chains can look different. They can come by way of sin and its consequences, woundedness, loss of relationship with God and the list goes on and on. God longs for our hearts. If our hearts desire is to serve Him, those boundaries won’t be seen as walls rather as a place of security.

A few days later while driving to work I was praying about facilitating the single Mom’s workshop, especially how to build upon last year’s first introduction of it. Last year we had an open forum, sharing style – where women were encouraged to send in topics they wanted to discuss as a group. It was encouraging to have women ready to talk and share. It was a time of open emotions and soul-bearing honesty but before we knew it time was called.  This year I knew I wanted to keep the sharing style but I also wanted to dig into the Scriptures as well as allow time for personal ministry and prayer.  So, I’m driving to work and praying about all of this and suddenly I’m impressed with two things simultaneously – the first was remembering a few single Moms talk about how they felt a little ‘second class’, and the other was the epitome of womanhood – the Proverbs 31 woman.

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with that woman – well, maybe love/hate is a little too strong – how about hopeful/frustrated, eager/intimidated, you get the idea. I was jealous to be her but didn’t know if I could ever live up to her when I WAS married. When I became a single Mom I ‘put her to the side,’ (I must say with a ‘Whew!’ because I felt it took me off the hook – after all the implications were of a married women and I no longer fit into that category.)  But that day driving to work I knew we were one in the same – no matter the circumstances we found ourselves in and no matter how I viewed myself.  Specifically, God said: “a woman is a woman; a mother is a mother; and My daughter is My daughter. Circumstances will change but not your identity, not My Love for you, not my Plan for you and not your standing as My heir with My Son, Jesus.”  To say I was a fumbling, bumbling mess – going at least 60 miles an hour – is no understatement.  To my credit I did at least slow down a little.

Since then God and I have been looking at Ms. Proverbs 31 in a new way. I invite you to embrace the plan of God for your life whatever the situation– and if you are a single Mom, then this is the plan for you at this very moment.  Circumstances do and will change – sometimes in the blink of an eye. No matter how we came to be in the Land of Single Moms – it more than likely came with sadness and wounding. But it DOES NOT change who we are in Christ.  God wants you healed and full of faith for your life and the lives of your children.

Come and be encouraged in the Lord: May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Hebrews 13:20.

Love you and see you soon-Vikki

There are seasons in a woman’s life when the intensity to have children can be almost unbearable.  When I read 1 Samuel, I see such a desperate woman in Hannah.  “In  bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord.” (1 Sam. 1:10).  “And she made a vow, saying, ‘O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life . . .” (1 Sam. 1:11).

The Lord did give her a son and she named him Samuel saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.“  After the boy was weaned she took him and dedicated him to God.  He was given to Eli the priest to live and serve in the temple always.

How was she able to do this?  Can you imagine yourself taking your child at the age of 3 or 4 and leaving him with an old man, who hadn’t proved to be such a good father to his own sons?  A person that you didn’t know all that well living in a big and drafty old temple. To live there with him and serve God all of his life. This was her only son whom she had wept and prayed for.  How could she know if God would give her more children?  She didn’t at the time.  Her devotion to God and her integrity of a promise given and a promise kept was strong in her.  But how?  God had a plan from the beginning.  She could not have known the mighty man of God her Samuel would become.

Hannah had determined from the beginning and was committed to the dedication of her son to the Lord.  She had made her mind up from the start that she would let him go.  Part of this was coming from her immense gratitude toward God for answering her prayers and from the importance of a vow kept, a promise given.

When we dedicate our children to the Lord in front of the congregation when they are babies, are we not doing the same thing?  Are we not promising God that we will be a good steward of the child He has given us?  That we will teach him/her the ways of the Lord. To fear, praise and honor Him.  To live for and serve Him all the days of their lives.  We do this ceremoniously and symbolically.  But do we do it from our hearts with the passion and dedication that Hannah did?  Or, for that matter, the way Jesus did for us?  Part of honoring our vow to God not only has to do with teaching and training, but has to do with giving them up, letting them go into the hands of God to fulfill the plan He has for their lives.  It requires a sacrifice. It requires our trusting God to know what’s best for our children, no matter what it looks like with our eyes.  After all, does He not know them better than we do?  Didn’t He form them in our wombs?  Every atom, molecule and cell, knitted together in the secret place.

I believe the Lord gave me this word as much for myself as for anyone else.  It’s okay to have this passion and concern for your loved ones. There have been times when I have beat myself up, and the enemy has too, for the anquish and passion I have had for my children to walk with God.  For the incessant and devoted prayers, the praying without ceasing, the weeping, the holding God to His promises - but I now know that I am simply a reflection of my Father.  In the midst of all this fervent praying He has and is giving me, and will give you , the grace to let go.

     So, we are born female with certain characteristics, physical and emotional, that are decidedly different from males.  However, in addition to that, when we come to know and accept Christ and we receive the Holy Spirit it seems that we also receive an even stronger impartation of those same characteristics.  An intensifying and enhancement of those characteristics of God’s nature – compassion, mercy, love, nurturing, teaching, comforting, leading and guiding.  All of these so desirable, good and neccessary for the wellbeing of the human race.  However, when you couple that with the not so wonderful characteristics of the female flesh – manipulation, control, easily deceived, a tendency toward being lead by emotions and feelings, you’ve got a crazy combination that seems to be warring against each other constantly.  Thereby causing much conflict and anxiety in the soul of a woman. Because of this we must be continually surrendered before the Lord.  These spiritual and fleshly characteristics must be brought under the Lordship of Christ in order for them to function properly. This is not to say that men don’t have these Godly characteristics as well, they do.  However, for the most part, when they are filtered through their maleness, they can look and manifest differently than in women.

     There is a passion and fervor that wells up in us as women when we are interceding for our loved ones and I believe it is the same passion that Jesus expresses in John 17.  As Christ prays for His disciples and us in John 17:6-25, you can feel His passion for those He loves to know the Father as He knows Him, to be protected from the evil one, to make it through this world with all of it’s temptations and dangers, knowing the love of the Father as Jesus knows His love, being intimate with Him.  “That they all may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.”  It is this very passion translated through us by the power of the Holy Spirit that enables us to pray effective prayers for our families and the Body of Christ.  “The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”  James 5:16.

     If we look at the definition of some of the key words in this verse we can better understand the kind of passion that I am referring to.  The word fervent means earnest, sincere, heartfelt and focused; very hot, glowing ; marked by great warmth of feeling; ardent.  Ardent means, passionate, zealous, devoted, fiery, hot, glowing, shining.  Effectual means, producing or able to produce a desired effect.  Righteous means, acting rightly, upright, according to what is right.

     Of course, we know that this righteousness is not a determination of our will, but a gift from our Lord Jesus Christ.  Let’s look at some verses:

     Titus 3:5 – “. . . He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy.” 

     Philippians 3:9 – “. . . and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ – the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.”

     II Corinthians 5:21 – “God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.”

     Romans 5:17 – “For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.”

     We have talked about this passion we have for the dear ones we are praying for and Who it comes from.  Now, we need to talk about how we must not allow this beautiful passion to turn into anxiety and worry.  In this next section there are a few things I wish to quote from Joyce Meyer’s book “The Battlefield of the Mind”.  I will indicate them with (JM).

     Philippians 4:6 – “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiviing let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

     “God has given us His Word, use it!  Learn Scriptures like this one and when the enemy attacks, counter his attack with the same weapon Jesus used: the Word! (JM)

     When we are praying for others, especially our children, with passion and deep concern, it is easy for our minds to play the “what if?” game.  Vain imaginings can lead to much torment, steal our peace and cause us to enter into unbelief.  II Corinthians 10:5 tells us:  “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

     “When thoughts being offered you do not agree with God’s Word, the best way to shut the devil up is to speak the Word. (JM).  This was the same tactic Jesus used in the wilderness each time Satan tried to tempt Him.  “As it is written.”  (Matthew 4).

     “The Word coming forth out of a believer’s mouth, with faith to back it up, is the single most effective weapon that can be used to win the war against worry and anxiety.” (JM)

     “I Peter 5:6-7 – “Therefore humble yourselves (demote, lower yourselves in your own estimation) under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you, casting the whole of your care (all your anxieties, all your concerns, once and for all) on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.”  When the enemy tries to give us a problem, we have the privilege of casting it upon God.  The word “cast” actually means to pitch or throw.  You and I can pitch or throw our problems to God and, believe me, He can catch them.  He knows what to do with them.  This passage lets us know that to humble ourselves is not to worry.  A person who worries still thinks that in some way he or she can solve his/her problem or the problem of the one he is praying for.  Worry is the mind racing around trying to find a solution to its situation.  The proud man is full of himself, while the humble man is full of God.  The proud man worries, the humble man waits.  Only God can deliver us, and He wants us to know that, so that in every situation our first response is to lean on Him and to enter His rest.” (JM)

     We have talked about the idea of the “mother heart of God”, the passion that fuels our prayers and Who it comes from and not allowing it to cross over into the sin of anxiety and worry.  In the 3rd and final segment, in September I want us to look at a woman, like us in many ways, from a long time ago.  Hope this is not too long?!?  Just have a lot to say.  Love you all.  Saundra

     Your prayers start out with great faith and belief that God will hear and answer in just the way you have asked.  But the answer doesn’t come as soon as you had hoped for and, in fact, the situation seems to be getting worse, much worse.  Your cries to God become more desperate and emotional.  Your soul is in anguish over this precious one or ones.  Now, in your inner being, the longing you have to see this dear one saved, healed, delivered and enjoying life has changed from interceding to interfering.  All well intentioned, of course!  That intense desire to nurture, teach, lead, guide, direct and correct becomes overwhelming and the next thing you know, you’ve said too much, had one too many “helpful” suggestions, pointed out one too many scriptures and perhaps have rescued them one more time out of the hand of God.  Those of you who are mothers, have you ever had a time when Dad seemed a little too harsh or unreasonable when disciplining your child?  So, being the compassionate nurturer you are (oh, and don’t forget “just and fair”), you stepped in the middle to save them from their “big bad Daddy”?  After all, he couldn’t possibly understand your child the way you do, he didn’t birth them or spend all that time with them like you did! Ha!  Sometimes, we find ourselves doing this very thing with a loved one that God is dealing with.  And sometimes the Lord is directing us to have input into this person’s life in the ways I have previously mentioned.  After all, as females God has wired us in such a way that these attributes are part of who we are, aren’t they?

     There has  been a longing stirring in me for sometime to understand more fully this calling of “motherhood” that is on my life and the lives of other women.  Not only for my own children, their spouses and my grandchildren, but also for the many brothers and sisters in Christ He has called me to disciple.  I don’t always understand this intense desire to mentor, teach, nurture and correct that rises up in me and other women who are blessed (sometimes it can feel like a curse) with this gift of a “mother’s heart.”  I know in the depth of my being that, for the most part, it is a good thing but sometimes when it is filtered through my flesh it can feel like a negative, destructive thing. Many times it is difficult to distinguish between the two.  Sometimes the desire to show these dear ones the way to truth and intimacy with our Jesus becomes so intense that I fear my emotions overshadow the desire and intentions of the Holy Spirit. Is that intensity me and my emotions or is it the Holy Spirit?  Sometimes I’m not sure.  Especially when the person’s reaction is one of offense, anger or rebellion.  I know that in spite of the Lord’s mercy and compassion He many times offended and still does those He is speaking to.  I want to examine more closely what the Word says about all of this.  Perhaps, I can come to a greater understanding and intimacy with the Lord on this subject.

     “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”  3 John 4.  Like the Apostle John, I too desire that those I have and am discipling, including my own children, would, at all times, walk in the truth.  “It has given me great joy to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as the Father commands us.”  2 John 4. 

     There is so much talk and teaching about the “Father heart of God”, and I do understand and relate to that, but I wonder, is there something to this “mother heart” idea in the person of the Holy Spirit?  I don’t want to, in any way, take away from or demean the authority of God found in Him as our Heavenly Father and Creator, or attempt to feminize Him, as some have tried to do.  But rather, explore the idea of the nurturing, compassionate, hovering and brooding over aspect of His personality that seems to be described in the person of the Holy Spirit.  These aspects of His nature may help to explain the intensity with which a mother broods over her children, natural or spiritual, and especially a wayward child.

     Genesis 1:2 – “Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.”

     Webster’s definition of hover – to hang fluttering in the air or on the wing; to remain suspended over a place or object; to move to and fro near a place; to be in a state of uncertainty, irresolution or suspense; to brood over.

     Webster’s definition of brood – to sit on eggs in order to hatch them; to cover young with the wings; to think anxiously or moodily on a subject.

     Think about the following scriptures in light of a hen sitting on her eggs and even after they  have hatched.  The mother hen will fluff herself up and extend her wings and feathers over her eggs or young when threatened.  If the chicks are out of the nest and the hen senses danger she makes a sound and all her chicks comes running up under her wings.

     Psalm 17:8 – “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings from the wicked who assail me, from my mortal enemies who surround me.”

     Psalm 91:4 – “He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”

     Matthew 23:37 – “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.”

     Have you ever wondered where that tendency to brood over your young came from?  We see from the Word that it has come from the Father from the beginning.

     I would like to continue this topic in my next blog, in August.  I will pick up with how our female characeristics, in the context of having a “mother’s heart”, are part of being created in His image.