Hi, my name is Debbie Lennon.

In the last couple of years, I’ve been on a journey to discovering my true authentic self in Christ.  Actually, it’s been a life-long journey, but it’s been rather intense within the last couple of years.

Let me explain:  If there is one word that describes my growing up years, it’s CONFUSION.  From a very early age, I was confused about my identity as a person, as a girl, and as a woman.  I felt deeply ashamed to admit this to anyone including myself.  Well, I knew I was confused, but I kept judging myself to be stupid and that I need to “get with the program.”

I thought I was confused because of my profound hearing loss.  I lost my hearing at the age of 3 for reasons still unknown, and as a young girl, I thought people talked funny because I could never understand what they were saying!  This created a lot of comical moments for my parents and teachers as they worked with me to re-establish my vocabulary and practice my listening skills.  The extraordinary length my parents took to help me gain footing in a hearing world is the very reason that I am able to function as well as I do (my father had actually gotten a new engineering job after he graduated from college and he asked for a one month extension before he started his career so he and my mother could invest their time working with me).

So I knew I was loved.

However, as I grew older, it became apparent to my family and to me that I was deeply confused about who I was, what my dreams were, and how I felt about things.  I had relied on my mom to help me navigate my way through childhood and adolescence.  For some reason, I lacked the ability to form my own thoughts, my own opinions, and to forge my own independence.

Through my mother’s influence (and Billy Graham), I became a Christian when I was 14, but it wasn’t until my early college years that I really began to understand what it meant to “be saved.”  From that point on, God began to painstakingly reveal Himself to me.  In the process, He began to reveal what was in my heart.  He revealed that it was a vast wasteland, void of deep emotional roots and that this was the reason for my confusion.  This was painful for me to accept. I was deeply embarrassed & ashamed to admit this.

With His grace, I was able to go on to lead a successful career as a trainer and a teacher working with special needs students.  I developed a wide circle of friends.  I mean, I led a privileged life – so how could my heart be a wasteland?  I felt like something was wrong with me.  I confessed, I repented, I prayed, I received prayers and yet, I still felt stuck in this wasteland.  I thought it was my fault.

God patiently took me on a journey to explore my heart.  He revealed to me that I had experienced early hidden trauma in my life.  I struggled with His revelations and wanted to die.  Last fall, He gently told me in a dream that He wanted me to join Him in the “desert.”  I didn’t want to go.  My life felt like a wasteland and He wanted me to go into the desert??  But I submitted to Him and waited to see what he would reveal to me there.  It was hard.  But I tell you, it has been life-transforming.

It seemed to me that once I began my journey with Him in the desert, everything in my life kind of went south.  My teaching career became a tragedy of sorts as I struggle to meet confusing federal and state mandates.  My old friendships dried up for inexplicable reasons.  My family relationships became distant as each of us went on to lead our own lives.  I began to question – once again – who am I?  What is the purpose of my life?

One day, I was reading my Bible and came across this verse in Matthew 8:20.  Jesus was responding to a scribe who told Him that he would follow Him wherever he went.  And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.”  This really puzzled me.  Why would He speak in riddles to someone who wanted to follow Him?  I asked God to reveal what He meant.

And He did.  God revealed to me that when Jesus came to us, He did not have an agenda of His own except to do His Father’s will.  In other words, he didn’t have a peg to “hang His hat on.”  He did not promote His own agenda of theology points or philosophy.  He did not rely on his own heritage or career as a carpenter to define Who He was.  He submitted Himself to the trials and tribulations of the Roman government.  He did not even defend Himself to His own people.  His whole identity rested in the knowledge that He was the beloved Son of God.

This really resonated with me.  It dawned on me that I was going to have to let go of the things that I relied on to give me my identity.  God had already prepared the way for me to do that as it seemed that everything in my life was already going south and they were no longer sustaining my identity as a worthwhile person.  This was a painful process for me because I realized that as a single person, I could not rest in my identity as a wife, a mother, a Godly woman – not even as a teacher or a faithful daughter or friend.

So what was left for me?  Back to my confusion – Who was I and what is my purpose in life? Do I have anything to live for?  I came in possession of a book called “Transformed into Fire: An Invitation to Life in the True Self” by Judith Hougen.  God used this profound book to reveal and cement my true identity in Him.

And this is what I wanted to share with you: We are His Beloved.  Another book, “Life of the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen expounds this point in a more succinct manner.  I encourage you to read both books for a greater understanding of this truth: We are His Beloved.

God revealed this profound truth to me last spring.  It is still relevant to me today and it has finally brought me a measure of peace after a lifetime of confusion.  My wasteland is slowly transforming into His garden.

I also feel that God wants me – and you – to know that if we truly accept our identity as His Beloved who submits to His rule and Kingdom, it will very likely bring polarizing reactions from the community as He uses us to expand his Kingdom.  This was certainly true during Jesus’ ministry on Earth.  Many will be drawn to Him by His astounding love through us.  Others will resent us, because they will think “How dare we believe that we are special?” Let us take hold of this Word and allow it work in us.  Don’t allow our earthly identities deflect who we really are in Christ.  I believe it will carry us far as we go outside of our comfort zone to reach the lost within our community.

Thank you and I say to you….Go with God….

So we’re having a lot of fun here in Black Mountain, North Carolina.  The weather is gorgeous and there are lots of women here hungry for God and He is here to satisfy us!  Most of the day today is filled with fabulous workshops on different topics, and then tonight we’ll have another meeting with worship followed by Gloria speaking to us more on how to make God famous wherever we are and whatever we’re doing.  We’ll have another update later tonight, assuming technology cooperates with us!

View the video here.

At our family beach trip this summer Joseph and I were able to have a few minutes with Gloria to film her talking about her heart for the conference this year.  It was a great interview; she is so excited about what God has been speaking to her regarding spreading His name and renown in everything that we do and wherever we go.  Part of the interview can be heard on the promo video (which we’ll share with you soon!), and part of it I wanted to share with you today on the blog.  So for a couple more minutes of your time today, why don’t you sit back and get inspired as you hear her talk about what she wants women to come away with from this year’s conference.  Again, you can register for it here.

“Have you had a hard time this year fighting a battle with your emotions and food?  Well, I (Tammy Crowley-Deloatch) would like to welcome you to my workshop, ‘The Joy of the Lord is my Strength’!  Every year I have attended Wellspring or taught a workshop, I really see God move in women’s souls
concerning their spiritual lives along with their health.  I am excited this year to teach a new series on ‘Do You Know Your Body Type?’, as well as a Bible study that will talk about allowing the Holy Spirit to release the joy that all of us need everyday to have strength!  Our exercise will involve fun boot camp
games for grown ups!!!  If you want to laugh and have a great time exercising, well this is the year to join in.  I will also follow up with some healthy ways to cook food this year from the foods that are the lowest on the glycemic chart. These foods will cause your body to burn fat and your health to improve.  I look forward to seeing you and most of all seeing the power of the Most High God move in your life, to Him be the Glory as always!”

If you haven’t registered yet, go here and get yourself registered!  We are going to have the time of our lives together, learning from God’s Word, experiencing His presence, and hanging out with one another over more than a few cups of coffee (yes, they have Starbucks if you are a fan!).   Until then, keep your eye out on the blog for more conference teasers!!   – Jessica

Here is the view from the front of our house…

One of the views from our house

A picture Ben took on his iPhone of the beach at dusk…

Walking on the beach at dusk

Some of what the kids have been doing (a rare chill moment!)

Afternoon Chillaxation

Gloria with Eliana

Hope everyone has a great Independence Day!!!

Jessica

At the same time of reading through the Old Testament I’ve also been experiencing a revival of sorts in the area of arts and creativity.  I think it started one day when I was so upset about something, and I was tired of talking to God about it, tired of thinking about it, and I just wanted it OUT of me.  So I decided to draw it out.  I took all of my colored pencils, a blank piece of paper, and I just started writing out exactly what I was feeling (it was VERY raw), one phrase on top of the other, until I had gotten everything out and it looked like this…

I felt much better.  I’ve been doing it since then, when I really just need to express some strong emotions – it has been very healthy for me.  The other day I did another one that was inspired by all of the people I have “met” in my Old Testament reading.  I have come across hero after hero, people who were normal ragtags just like me, except that their aim to live and die for God’s fame being spread has made them heroes of the faith, and I long to have that kind of a warrior heart.  So I just thought, I don’t want to forget these guys.  I want to remember that if they can do it, I can do it.  So I drew out an ode to these heroes.  Here’s what it looks like…

I simply wrote out what marked their lives (in my opinion), whether it be a certain statement they made or a description of their character.

I have found such release in drawing my feelings out on paper.  It doesn’t matter if it’s color splashes, words, symbols, or just PLAIN BLACK OVER THE WHOLE PAGE (that’s for when I’m REALLY mad and upset and confused and depressed!), I feel like it keeps me healthy.  But that’s just me.  I’d encourage you to try it.  And I would also love to know what YOU do to stay emotionally healthy.  What are some ways in which you expose your soul to God (not that He doesn’t already know, but you get my drift)?  How do you vent?

Jessica

1.  Huge tracts of land, rolling green hills filled with wildflowers and Christmas tree farms that amazingly were not being taken over by townhomes and condominiums.  Here in Greensboro, everywhere I look they are building new apartments or condos.  I don’t understand why a city needs that many!!!  Just keep the trees up and let us breath a little but, for cryin’ out loud!!  :-)

2.  Seeing my brother’s land for the first time.  We went down one road, then turned onto his “street”, which is just a gravel pathway big enough for one car to fit on, and drove up and around and around again until we saw his cabin.  It was the cutest thing ever!  So tiny, but just perfect for him.  He has his own vegetable garden growing out in the yard, and he has a storage shed that he uses to, well, store stuff obviously, but also to set up equipment to record music.  So cool.  Lots of trees all around, a nice view of the mountains beyond, and total peace and quiet.  He’s done pretty well for himself.  I was proud of him.  

3.  One of my worst fears came true.  I forgot to pack my underwear.  Yes, I did.  And yes, I said it for the whole blogosphere to read.  I’ll say it again.  I forgot to pack underwear.  Now, remember, this was only a 24 hour trip, so although you might scoff at the idea, I am not too high maintenance to wear the same pair of underwear 2 days in a row.  Sometimes you just gotta live a little.  And live I did, with the same dang pair of underwear I arrived in.  I thought it was funny, and thought that us sharing a laugh together would make it even funnier!

4.  Nature.  I love being outdoors, so I had the best time walking around the Appalachian Trail, climbing up rocks to see a waterfall, sticking my feet in the clearest, cleanest, freshest water.  It was so beautiful.  

5.  Nighttime.  FREAKY  Seriously, it was a little creepy at night when we went to bed because it was so quiet and so dark.  I turned off the lights and thought, “Is this what it’s like to be blind?”.  I had my eyes open but could not see ANYTHING.  It was pitch black.  So eerie.  And on top of that it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.  Took me a while to go to sleep because I like a lot of noise while I’m sleeping.  

Those are the main highlights of my 24 hours deep in the mountains of Tennessee.  Not a very gripping tale, I know, but at least the part about me forgetting my underwear was interesting.  There I go bringing it up again.  It must have been really life-changing for me to think about it that much!

What did you all do this weekend?

Jessica