The Baby Whisperer
Sunday is my favorite day of the week. I anticipate church for our corporate worship, God’s revelation through Dub’s sermon, fellowship with my church family, and discovering how God will meet me during the service. He always seems to touch me in some special way. I learned to bring tissue after a friend told me I was “living in denial” by not carrying it, since I generally cry about something. It is an exciting and intimate time for me.
On the way to church, I was practicing the presence of God, when He revealed that all week I had been subconsciously dreading Sunday and the reason I had difficulty sleeping last night was because of my anxiety. As I was pulling into the parking lot, He revealed why. My church asks that each member agree, as a part of membership, to serve in the nursery once a year and this was my day.
It isn’t that I don’t like children. To the contrary, I love them and in my past that love showed in ways that astonished friends to the point that they jokingly called me “the baby whisperer,” for my ability to calm crying babies when even their mother’s could not.
My first babysitting job was when I was in first grade. I watched a neighbor’s baby for her while she took a shower. And I babysat throughout high school, college, and into my marriage. I looked forward to the time I could have children of my own.
When the time came when we agreed to have children, none came. We went through the emotional brutality of fertility treatments for several years, during which time every couple in our childless Sunday School class became parents, except us. I distanced myself from children and isolated myself from young families because being around them made me feel like such a failure as a woman−exactly what God did NOT want me to do.
But I, like most people believed I was in control…all I had to do was decide when I wanted my babies and they would be there. Yes, we are told that children are a blessing from the Lord, but what I heard was, it is a blessing THAT you have children, not it is a blessing WHEN God gives you children.
A few years later, all was gone from me: marriage, dreams of a future, promise of children, my home, and my job. It was just God, and me eye-to-eye, with no static in between. It was then that I finally heard His voice. And His voice said the thing I had longed to hear my entire life:
I love you. Your value does not come from what you drive, where you live, what you wear, how many men find you attractive, or your job. Your value rests in the fact that I love YOU.
This morning I entered worship, with this discomfort about working in the nursery. God met me there, washed over me with a fresh infilling of his Spirit and a fullness of his deep, deep love as the dance team rose, and danced to the hymn, “Oh the Deep Deep Love of Jesus.”
Today I understood one more piece of the puzzle of my life. My value is not in whether or not I have children. My value is in the deep love my Savior has for me. This is not the first time I have served in the nursery. However, this IS the first time I’ve enjoyed it.
Karen Sleeth
Karen Sleeth has lived in North Carolina for 26 years and in her house for nine years. She shares her yard with a herd of about fourteen deer, a raccoon, a family of possum, a hawk and her young, a wise old owl, many birds, snakes, and a bunny she has seen only once. “I assume it took the warning I gave ‘Run for your life!’” This is Karen’s first year attempting to convince the deer that the yard is not their salad bar. Karen is a member of Christian Assembly Church in Durham.
You are a baby whisperer….I’ve seen it with my little man-he’s enthralled with you! Though you may not have biological children, God has used you to disciple and “raise” in the Lord children of His. What an awesome testimony.
Love Easley
Most beautifully said. God is so awesome in how He touches just the right places in each individual life.
“baby” whisperer!
Thank you, Vicki! You blessed me letting me love on the first of your babies (and you). I miss you.
Karen,
If I could only express my feelings like you do on paper! God gives many gifts and children are only one of them! It seems like he has given you many gifts! I am blessed to know you! You are a gift He gave to me 34 years ago! You were my first “child whisperer”!
Thank you Marie and Gloria!
How can we not be open and vulnerable in our weakness, when He became so extremely vulnerable in His strength? Yes, we love Him because He first so freely and extremely loved us! AMEN!
I appreciate so much the vulnerability of your sharing, Karen. I too struggled with not being able to have children for many years. God did eventually give us 3 sons, but I do understand the self-doubt that the struggle brings to most women who go through it. No matter where we sink our identity roots, if the soil that anchors us is anything other than the love of God then it will fail us. I am so grateful that He is faithful to continually draw our roots down into His good soil! After all is said and done, the truth is that “we love because He first loved us.” (I John 4:19)
Thank you so much for this blog entry. It truly blessed me. Many blessings to you Karen!!