I have been contemplating what my family standards are lately. This contemplation was brought to my mind recently because of a few conversations I have had and because of the television, too much of it.

We have 5 children ranging in ages from 11-19. The oldest 4 are stair steps, there is a 4 year gap between the last two. Now you wouldn’t think just a mere 4 years would bring about so many differences but I have found it does. For one thing, when my eldest was 11, the rest were all in elementary school and we were homeschooling. Now that my youngest is 11, one has moved out and the other three are in public high school (he is in public school as well). Because of this, our lifestyle is different. Gone are the days of all children in bed by 8:30, days spent at the park, reading bedtime stories and etc. Because our lifestyle is so much different, I started reflecting on what our standards for our family are and wondering if we were still holding to that standard for our younger child. I know we have gotten lax on how much TV he watches but is that a standard or just a preference? What other things are true standards and what are disciplines we need to have to reinforce the standards?

I was talking to a young man who is a senior in high school. For this blog, I’ll call him John. John is on my son’s track team so over the past 4 years, we have many conversations. Last week at the track meet, I was asking John what his plans were for after graduation, college? John said, “Well you know Mrs. Jones, college isn’t for everyone?” I agreed and asked him if he had plans besides college. John has had some male modeling jobs throughout high school. John said he wanted to move to NYC to pursue his dream of being a professional model and actor. This is a very nice young man and I just had to put on the “mom” hat for a moment. I said, “John, let me give you one piece of advice, know who you are and what your standards are, meaning what you are and are not willing to do BEFORE you go. You must be clear on them and then stick with them no matter the cost because once you start down the road to compromise, it’s hard to turn back and before you know it, you’ll be in places you never intended to be and doing things you never intended to do. Before long, you won’t have a clue who you are.” As I reflected on this statement that I had spoken, I was convicted to think about places that maybe I had compromised.

A few years ago we went through some pretty difficult years with one of our children. He was steeped in rebellion. It was during that time that my husband and I had to make some very difficult choices about how to handle the situation. We made some very good decisions but there were times we made standard compromises that should have not been made but we were making them in the name of “peace”. Of course that is a lie from the enemy because the standard does not change. It is an immovable object. Years ago when our children were little, we were getting lots of pressure from a family member about the way were raising our children with respect to who babysat them, what we allowed our children to watch, our basic values, etc. The family member kept telling me that I needed to look around and see that I was trying too hard, being too protective with my children and that basically, I had set the bar too high. This statement really bugged me. My husband and I had gone to a pastor for some counseling about this family member. I was telling him the statement when he said to me very clearly, Marion, here is the bar (his hands were in the middle), you don’t use the bottom as your goal, you look to the top as your goal but no matter what, the bar is the standard, the standard does not move.

So my challenge to you today is to look at your life and see if there are areas the Lord may be reminding you of where the standard is. Not your standards but His standards for you. The ones He put in your life as the anchor by which all decisions come under. Is my son watching too much TV, well, that is not the standard, the standard is family time, purity, growing closer to God, if the TV watching is held up to those standards, and if the answer is that the TV time is interfering with or going against those standards then my answer is yes it is too much. God give us all basic standards in the bible such as to live pure lives, love our neighbors, love God and etc. But I believe God also give us standards for each of us that is directly in line with the calling He has on our lives. I leave with you the challenge to exam your lives and see if there are areas that need to be placed back in line with the anchor (standards).