I’ll bet you’ve never thought of yourself as a theologian. Even if you’re like me and have spent many hours studying the Bible, I’ll bet you would never apply that word to yourself! “Theology, most of us would agree, should be left to professionals and experts — those with the credentials and know-how to handle it safely and correctly, who will make sure the rest of us don’t get into trouble with it.” That last sentence is a quote is from a book I am reading entitled When Life and Beliefs Collide: How Knowing God Makes a Difference written by Carolyn Custis James. Carolyn is one of those “professionals” who has a seminary degree, but she takes strong exception to the statement I quoted from her Introduction. Carolyn’s idea of theology is that it is the natural consequence of knowing God and growing in that knowledge through a relationship with Him and through studying His Word, the Bible. That means that “anyone who believes anything about God is a theologian of sorts.” (Another quote from her introduction)

Life experiences tend to uncover whether we are good theologians or bad ones. We come on difficult circumstances and we either fall apart or we go through with an abiding peace, depending upon what we know and have experienced of God in the past (or what we learn of Him as we look to Him in the hard time). That’s theology. Painful things happen to us beyond our control and we either become resentful of people and bitter toward God or our trust and belief roots go down deeper into the soil of God’s love as we lean on him and learn of His faithfulness. Again, our reactions to life are the consequence of our theology. As Carolyn James says, “Not only am I a theologian but it truly does matter whether I’m a good one.” In other words, if I don’t know Who God is, how can I trust Him when life catches me off balance?

Sometimes we avoid asking God hard questions because we are afraid He won’t be able to handle them. Amazing that we feel this way, but we sometimes do. I used to skip over passages in the New Testament that address the role of women. The passages angered me and I was afraid to ask God about them. It seemed better not to question Him than to risk having Him answer in a way that was not acceptable to me. (Did you catch the arrogance of that? — that GOD should be acceptable to me??) Down at the bottom of my soul was this very important unanswered question: what if God really does value men more than women? Unconfronted, that question loomed like a dark cloud over all my reactions to life and made it virtually impossible to trust Him, especially when difficult circumstances arose.

Needless to say, God did not let that question lie buried beneath my fear! When it finally bubbled to the surface in my 20′s after 6 miscarriages, I began a journey with Him that has brought incredible security, honesty, and pure joy to my life. There is not enough space and room here to tell you how He answered me, but much of that story is in my book, In the Beginning. Of course, new questions arise all the time, but I have learned that God can handle the most difficult questions my soul can devise! He is bigger than all my questions and able to handle all of my doubts. In the end, each time I expose my question to Him, there is that familiar place of rest reserved for me against His breast. It is never He who withdraws from me anyway. He knows everything in my heart before I do and loves me just the same. When I acknowledge my doubt to Him then He always shows me the way through, back to the place of rest in Him. Sometimes He gives me understanding and sometimes He doesn’t, but He always restores me to resting in Him.

So I guess, Carolyn James, that I am a theologian too. I know God — not as much as I want to know Him, but more and more all the time. I pray that God will give all of us the courage to not only acknowledge our theology but to become GOOD theologians through the application of His word. As Carolyn said, “Not only am I a theologian but it truly does matter whether I’m a good one.”