As I’ve been considering the recent Boundaries blog by Gloria, I was thinking about my own issues with boundaries in the home, both setting and accepting, and wanted to offer some of the things I’ve learned over the years to those who may be in circumstances similar to mine. In an effort not to use the word boundaries a hundred times, I’ll shorten it to bd’s. I’ve been a single parent for 10 years, my husband having died when my kids were small and bd’s were much easier to define and maintain between the two of us. As I look back over the last ten years, I see that many of the struggles I‘ve had in raising my kids have come from not establishing appropriate bd’s early on. Now I wasn’t raised with many of those myself, and made my own way in life making many harmful and foolish choices before turning my life over to Christ. Truly, I am fortunate to be alive and disease-free as my lifestyle was worldly and reckless.

After I turned to the Lord, I met my husband, got married and started having children. My husband was one of the most stable and grounded Christian men I have ever known and was a GREAT dad. However, the Lord allowed him to graduate to heaven earlier than expected. This left me in charge of an impossible task. I can think of at least 20 women right off the bat wiser and better prepared to raise children than me. I am being honest here… I’m not bashing myself. God has given me many things that I thank him for, and I love my family dearly and there have been plenty of good times, but I didn’t have alot ‘in the natural’ to help me with this task and have not always set good boundaries nor done the right thing, and have even caused bumps in the road. So what is the answer to that? For those who are carrying loads and left in charge of impossible tasks? Is it just tough luck, make the best of it? For some of us, it seems like by the time we figure out how to do something right, we’ve already wrecked things by doing it wrong! So where is God in that? The following lifestyle habits are actually the lifeline God has used to keep me from “going under“ and has and is helping me to see where the boundary lines should fall in my family. I hope it helps someone else who has found themselves in over their head and is wondering from whence their help will come?

1. Daily communion with God, taking your troubles and joys to Him first, releasing hurts, and lingering long enough to hear what God has to say is not just a good idea but absolutely necessary. Vital.

I can’t stress this enough.

2. Reading His word and memorizing his promises, especially those that pertain to your situation is not only a good idea, but absolutely necessary. Vital. I can’t stress this enough.

*It has been God’s promises, the healing knowledge of who he is that I’ve received through prayer relationship, and witnessing his love for me through his intervention that has kept me from giving up and drowning.

3. Taking the Lord at His word. Trusting what He says, knowing– or even just suspecting, that his GRACE is bigger than what you think, while also being able to say “I‘m sorry! I screwed up!”, is not just a good idea but absolutely necessary. Vital. I can’t stress this enough. Have you read Isaiah 50:10??

4. Look for hidden joys and find the things you are thankful for. (even if it’s just 15 minutes of peace in the bathroom! Or a sweet banana! Or the feel of grass under your feet!)

5. An expectation and mindset to see the miraculous hand of God move on your behalf. Expect miracles! This is not just a good idea…..

I’m not trying to be flippant, but these things are beyond suggested habits, they are our lifeline and foundation of abundant living, and will bring wisdom, change, and sane bd’s. Healing where there has been damage; truth where there has been deception,; hope, joy, and peace where there has been despair, sadness, and fear; vision and a plan where there has been none. And the best part about it is that this is true EVERY MORNING. His mercies are new and fresh each day!